Importance of Empathy
Empathy can be understood using the metaphor of shoes – it is the act of placing yourselves in someone else’s shoes to understand how they feel. Naturally, depending on the condition of the shoes, the size, brand and style, you can’t always completely understand what it is like to wear the shoes of someone else. You can, however, use your own past experiences and knowledge to gain a good understanding of what other people’s shoes may feel like, which is where empathy comes in.
Empathy is important in almost every aspect of daily life. It builds strong relationships, reduces stress, and enhance emotional awareness. It’s important to understand that empathy is not sympathy.
When we’re sympathetic, we often pity someone else but maintain our distance (physically, mentally, and emotionally) from their feelings or experience.
Empathy is more a sense that we can truly understand, relate to, or imagine the depth of another person’s emotional state or situation.
But it can be tricky.
What does it take to be more empathetic? Why don’t we do it more often?
Challenges We face towards empathy
It requires we pay attention. Too often we are in our own heads; we have our own agenda. We are busy. So we don't pay attention to what others are thinking or feeling. In order to improve, we need to be more self-aware and more aware of others. For example, the next time you ask someone how they are doing, listen to their response. Do you believe them? Are they really okay? Ask yourself if you care to learn more.
It takes time. In our fast paced world, people just keep moving. Empathy requires that we stop and take the time to care. What is on your mind?
Your self-esteem gets in the way. When your mind is so busy with negative thoughts about you, then you don't have the space to really be present for another person. Often people think they are empathetic but when you consider what you are thinking about when you are listening to the person, you may find that you are busy thinking about you – how the person thinks about you.
Areas we Often lack
There are a number of things that get in the way of us utilizing and experiencing the power of empathy.
Feel threatened. Based on our own fears, projections, and past experiences – not by what is actually happening in the moment or in a particular relationship or situation. Whether the threat is “real” or “imagined,” when we feel threatened in any way, it often shuts down our ability to experience empathy.
Being judgemental. When we’re judgmental, we decide that we’re “right” and someone else is “wrong.” Doing this hurts us and others and it cuts us off from those around us. When we’re being judgmental about another person, group of people, or situation, we significantly diminish our capacity to be empathetic.
Fear. Our fear is the root.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with fear, it’s a natural human emotion – which, in fact, has many positive aspects to it, if we’re willing to admit it, own it, express it, and move through it. Fear saves our lives and keeps us out of trouble all the time.
The issue with fear is our denial of it. We deem things, people, or situations to be “scary,” when in truth there is nothing in life that is inherently “scary.” When we allow ourselves to be motivated by fear – which often leads to us defending ourselves against “threats,” being judgmental, and more, it becomes difficult, if not impossible, to access the power of empathy.
Becoming more EMPATHETIC
Be real about how you feel.
Being able to admit, own, and express our fear, insecurity, sadness, anger, jealousy, or whatever other “negative” emotions we are experiencing, is one of the best ways for us to move past our defensiveness and authentically address the deeper issues of the situation.
Imagine what it’s like for them.
While it can sometimes be difficult for us to “understand” another person’s perspective or situation, being able to imagine what it must be like for them is an essential aspect of empathy.
The more willing we are to imagine what it’s like for them, the more compassion, understanding, and empathy we’ll be able to experience.
Forgive yourself and others.
I believe that all judgment is self-judgment. When we forgive ourselves, we create the conditions and perspective to forgive others.
Forgiveness is one of the many important aspects of life that is often easier said than done. It is something we need to learn about and practice all the time.
Empathy is a choice. We have to choose to improve, to care, to get out of our own way, and to bridge the gaps between us – generations, cultures, religions, socioeconomics, etc. Empathy allows us to be fully human and gives others permission to do the same.