Stand up to your inner critic
Self-trust is not trusting yourself to know all the answers, nor is it believing that you will always do the right things. It’s having the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome of your efforts.
The definition of self-trust is the firm reliance on the integrity of yourself. There is a difference between a life that is grounded in self-trust and one that is not. When we look at examples of people who are self-trusting, we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices. They speak with authority that comes from a deep place within but is not arrogant. They are good observers and have cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences, both the successes and failures.
Because they can trust themselves to not be punitive when they make mistakes, they can look openly at their experience without fear of self-punishment. If my agenda is to protect myself from external or internal recrimination, I am not going to be able to examine my experience because my primary intention is not to learn but to protect myself.
Regret
Many people live with a lot of regret. But many people have the misguided notion that you shouldn’t have regrets. It’s human to have regrets.
Regret itself is not the problem; what keeps us stuck in regret is the resistance to feeling the full depth of it. It’s overwhelming when we don’t have the inner resources to hold the magnitude of the remorse. There are plenty of means to learn from regrets and to forgive ourselves.
The bigger the regret, the deeper the shame, yet the bigger the opportunity. Just like being compassionate and forgiving for another person who may have harmed us, we can focus that same attitude towards ourselves. When we demonstrate that we have learned from the mistake, regret evaporates. This is where self-trust emerges.
The Inner critic
You might leap to the assumption that the voice of the inner critic is you. But let’s take a step back and examine that.
The voice of the inner critic is a product of the negative scripts we allow to run in the background of our minds on a daily basis. The inner critic is truly just a voice for those scripts. The real question is: where did those scripts come from?
I’m not good enough.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not attractive enough.
I’ll never be acknowledged.
I’m a failure.
The best way to overcome the inner critic is to change the script. And the first step in changing the script is becoming more aware of what you say to yourself on a daily basis.
Don’t be your own worst critic. Be your own best friend.